5 losers this week.

Surrender Cobras got cooked 187 to 90 — that's not a loss, that's a mercy killing. You benched Tyler Shough, who dropped 21 points, to start the Baltimore Ravens Defense, who scored a big fat zero. ZERO. Your own bench was laughing at you. Run Thru Mo Fuckers Face didn't beat you — YOU beat you.

21.26 pts left on the bench

WarrenBelieveable got cooked 168 to 78 — that's not a loss, that's a hostage situation. You benched Isaiah Likely to start Tyrod Taylor, a man who threw for NEGATIVE points — negative! You didn't just lose, you actively made your team worse on purpose. Shake 'n Bake didn't beat you, you beat yourself, and you still lost by 90.

14.26 pts left on the bench

Diggs 'em Young and Purdy got absolutely cooked 196 to 119 — that's not a loss, that's a hostage situation. You sat Harold Fannin's 30-point ass on the bench to start Jalen Hurts, who put up ZERO POINT FORTY. My calculator is embarrassed for you. Next year didn't beat you — you beat yourself, and you did it with a smile.

30.00 pts left on the bench

Bigger Than Kenny Stills lost by 22 points and left 20.9 on the bench because you started a whole-ass NFL franchise instead of Christian Watson. The Washington Commanders scored 4 points. FOUR. That's not a lineup, that's a hostage situation where you shot yourself. Week 14, playoff time, and you're out here making decisions like you're building a roster with a ouija board.

20.90 pts left on the bench

Air Dumpling lost by **0.06 points** — that's not a loss, that's a statistical rounding error that somehow still counts. You benched Amon-Ra St. Brown, who dropped **15 points**, to start Zach Ertz, who contributed **2 lousy points** like a guy who showed up to work just to eat someone else's lunch. Zach Ertz! In 2025! You didn't lose this game — you **donated** it.

13.10 pts left on the bench